sportsmanship

Sorry for not writing for so long again. I forgot the username and password of the blog. I have to admit that Mark Titus continues to inspire me to write about my continued hopes and dreams to someday play in the NBA - also referred to as my adventures at the weekly A game. Even though I am 31 there is still that faint hope that I'll wake up one morning, drive by a traffic speed monitor, then be able to run, pass, and shoot like Steve Nash. Although I'd probably have to grow some too. Also, I'd have to get a really bad haircut, have friends call it the weasel, and support liberal agendas, say "eh" at the end of sentences a lot, the latter which I absolutely will not do. Anyway, whenever I am extremely bored at work I can rely on a recent Mark Titus blog post to get me through the next 8 minutes or so of my life. Most important, I've enjoyed at least three (3) times his video montage on youtube. Thunder and I have decided that once the A game blog gets 1,000 hits, we will post a video montage of our own. Though I have no idea how we are going to edit the darn thing. I wonder if I have that capability on my computer. So, the more times you refer people to the blog, and the more readers we get, the closer you'll be to seeing the A game in action - which should also help you get through your boredom, and the 5 minutes after that.

The reason today's post is entitled "sportsmanship" is because I was reminded of a recent occurrence in my church hoops career by Mark Titus' sportsmanship montage on his video you-tube performance. This incident demands attention on the A game blog. Since the subtitle of the A game blog is "church hoops at its finest," this story has to be told, in all of its glory, so you can join me in self-righteously judging these people. The second story is all about how glorious I am. Once you realize I am glorious, please tell my wife so she'll know.

The first story occurred last season during regular men's church hoops league. I think they call it elder's quorum ball, but the name of the league doesn't concern me, just the fact that I'm pretty much guaranteed to average 20 points and 10 assists during two 18 minute, running clock halves (halfs?). I should also mention that I probably only play about 75% of the time, if not less. Basically I could average more but other players on my team need to play. This is why it is elder's quorum league. So those people that don't generally get to play, have the opportunity to do so. This is why the following story is so perplexing. Church hoops, as its definition, is a league where all LDS wannabe's, has-beens, and never-were's, get to play ball.

There was no tournament last year in church league so basically the regular season champion was named the overall champ. My ward and another ward were undefeated with a couple games left to play in the season. We met head to head in what turned out to be the championship game.

To be quite honest, my team was a little over-matched. I mean their (hereinafter "Villain Ward") starting 5 consisted of two 6'4" very good post players, a former Univ of Utah player, a former Eastern Utah College player and another good player. My team is athletic and we have some skilled players but we were way undersized underneath compared to Villain Ward. It didn't help our chances that Air Traffic Control (named for his employment) "got a flat tire" and didn't make the game - horrible excuse! Like I said before, the game was a good one. It was closely contested throughout. We only lost by one in the end. But after the game I realized that none of the Villain Ward's subs had played a single minute. Ten guys from Villain Ward show up to play, but in an absolute disgrace to sportsmanship - and church league participation - only the starting 5 played! It must really suck to be a sub on a church ball team that doesn't even get to play. How demoralizing. This has to be just as embarrassing as being a male cheerleader, but I wouldn't know either way.

I asked my friend who plays for Villain Ward during the later stages of the game if any of their bench players were going to play, but I was told, "no, they can play in other games." At this point I felt like I was C&C Music Factory contemplating life. I was a little frustrated considering we had 9 guys show up, two of which can't dribble a basketball to save their lives, and yet they still played a decent amount of minutes (read "almost half"). But I also felt like I was a much better person than any of the members of the Villain Ward since I graciously allowed our bench players to play significant minutes in a tough game. There is nothing like being in the heat of battle during a church game to prepare you for the rigors of life, kids, marriage, and work.

This is also one of those moments where I wish I could go back in time, walk by the bench during a timeout, and ask why their bench wasn't wearing skirts. It's like the perfect comeback line that you just can't come up with in the moment, but realize it at 2 in the morning. And can we all agree now that being a male cheerleader is about as glorious as being on the bench for an entire church game? Check off the Villain Ward for areas I may move into in the future. I don't want to be in that ward ever!

The second story is also about sportsmanship, though in a good way. I actually find this story very humorous, though I'm sure it is more funny to those who were on my team, and actually there in the gym, than to people reading. I think it is humorous because this game was played against the single's ward. I think all things concerning single's wards are humorous for some reason. Even though we were up by double figures throughout the game, my ward decided we wanted to let the single's ward win so they could look better in front of their cheerleaders. And when I say cheerleaders I mean the entire single adult female section of the ward. All of these girls showed up, sat on the stage, got dolled up, made SIGNS and POSTERS for the boys, and cheered louder than any cheering section I've been to in years (excluding the BYU at UNLV game this year). My ears hurt after the game because of the high pitched screaming that continuously occurred. I wondered during the game if screaming louder got you asked out later that week? Or did making a sign for "Ryan" get you ice-cream and a movie Friday night? And why, when I played in 2 church ball games in college did nobody make signs for me, get dolled up, scream, and bat their eyes at me? Man, I must have been ugly.

So the reason I am glorious goes like this: somehow we found ourselves down by two points with under 10 seconds to go in the first overtime. We intentionally fouled some kid so he could shoot 1 and 1 and we could then hope to tie or win if he missed his free throws. As fortune would have it, he missed the front end and Air Traffic Control got the rebound. Air Traffic Control played at UVSC in Provo so as he was dribbling down court I fully expected him to go coast to coast, tie the game, and send it into a second overtime. So you can see why the girls were so loud. The excitement and tension was palpable. Their ward came back from a large deficit, sent it to overtime, and now had a lead with 5 seconds to go as Air Traffic dribbled full speed across half court. Once Air Traffic made it into the key, he rose up, saw me in the corner of his eye, and then dished (followed by a swish - I know spoiler alert but that's my favorite saying so I can't help it), where I was open and directly in front of the cheering section. I took a step back to get behind the line (killer instinct, I know - you HAVE to go for the win in this situation, and I was also trying to redeem myself for missing the first three that would have ended the game at the buzzer in regulation) and buried the 3 from the corner with less than a second on the clock. I pretty much still can't hear out of my right ear as the screaming endured from the moment I touched the ball, until it was capped off by the loudest "I HATE YOU" scream as the ball swished through the net. Game winner. Game over.

I'm pretty sure some of the girls were on the floor grabbing my jersey when I shot, but no matter, you can just call me Mr. Heartbreaker. I almost turned and said, "sorry girls, I'm married." But I just couldn't. Some of the girls were crying. Some of the single adults cried. I really think Nacho Libre was based on Adam Morrison, don't you? I think Adam Morrison cries more often now too since he is a complete bust, but it isn't for me to pass judgment, unless it is on male cheerleaders. So basically my glorious shot ruined date night for the girls. They all went home probably and ate gallons of ice cream, thought about how lucky my wife is to be married to such a clutch performer, and performed weird rituals on my voodoo doll.

And I still can't believe that my wife doesn't think I'm glorious!
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I know I've been lax on posts and the "evening wear" section lately (read "at all"). Just so you know the shoes pictured in the blog made an appearance a few weeks back and we've had at least 4 other new pairs of shoes show up in recent weeks as well. But I'll save another pair of those shoes for next post.

Later,

Psycho T

Poor Excuses

Before you start reading, please keep in mind that throughout this entire post you may wonder why I continually ramble. The reason is that I am blogging right after lunch and downing way too many calories at McDonalds. So basically this is a post-lunch post, which means I'm yawning right before I blog, which is exactly like Apollo Ohno yawning right before he skates for a gold medal in Calgary....huge pressure!

Ok, ok, I know. Enough already! I've been gone for two weeks and my adoring fans (I think there are a few of you even though nobody has the balls to comment - props to our one dude who did in fact comment recently). Alas, duty calls when you are old, have children, have more children and new baby is stuck in NICU for the last week and will probably be another couple days. Baby will be fine, no worries!

Anyway, I've thought a lot about what I should write in this next post and I'm honestly running out of ideas. Church hoops is really just a boring game with old people who are washed up. Even if the A game is comprised of former C-list basketball stars like a certain BYU coach's nephew. This nephew maintains he was not on the team because the coach is his uncle, though sometimes we beg to differ. I mean, I swear BYU plays at least some sort of defense, unlike this certain A gamer.

My post today is on the despicable (I'm usually a good speller but I admit I had to look up "despicable" - I'll bet you didn't know it was spelled with an E in the beginning either) act of not coming to the A game because "family is in town." Another poor excuse for missing the week's action is because "I don't want to abandon my family (or wife)." Actually, to be honest, the only GOOD excuse I've heard for turning down an invite to the A game came from a friend that is a cop and had worked a homicide that day where a baby was axed to death. And this was pushing it....

It still amazes me that people don't respect the A game for what it is. Every time I talk about the A game my wife rolls her eyes. She thinks I worry too much about who is showing up, how many people will show up, who is a ball-hog, and whether or not the single adults will be hogging the gym line dancing again. She is in danger of abandonment herself for such disrespect. Just kidding, baby! Can you make sure my shorts are washed when I get home for my pilates workout though? Thanks! And don't forget I like my jello green, with some carrots in it. Love you sugar!

Anywho, do you think Apollo Ohno will ever shave that thing on his chin? Why is it red/brown? Isn't his hair black? I have to admit that Ohno is really the only Olympics I've watched so far. All the other stuff is boring, except for Curling, which I absolutely love! It's like chess with all the strategy involved - and as a bonus people actually (kind-a-sort-a) exercise.

Back to the task at hand. My question is this: wouldn't having your family or in-laws in town be the perfect excuse to attend the A game? I mean, if my in-laws are coming into town I'm already devising plans on how I have a golf outing with a client that will go late into Friday evening, or Saturday I might have to go to the office for a while, etc. So I absolutely cannot understand how when I send out the weekly "who is in for tonight" text, I sometimes get the response, "I can't, family in town"; or "I have to pick up my father in law at the airport"; or "I've had to work late this week and I need to spend time with my wife." Ummm, isn't that what your wife is for - to pick up HER parents at the airport?

Also, we DON'T even start playing until 9pm! It isn't like we are going from 7pm to midnight. Shoot, most of us can't even play hard for an hour straight. And by the time the first game gets going it isn't until around 9:30 anyway! I guarantee your wife will be watching some show on tv at 9:30 anyway, your kids will be in bed, and anything to be discussed with your in-laws that is of relevance (such as "hey, how are you?") will be discussed when they arrive at around 5 for dinner. Hence, there is no reason for you to not make it to the A game. Essentially, there is no reason for family to take precedence over the A game. Additionally, I'm pretty sure you won't be doing anything unscheduled like they do on certain shows past 9pm on a Thursday, either. This is why that Lights show airs on Friday Night.

So props to 40-Band and Prefontaine who BROUGHT their dad to watch us play the A game when he was in town. He sat on the side and smiled the entire night. I mean, we are pretty entertaining. He even said so the next day at golf - my in-laws must have been in town then too. There are actually some dunks every now and again, lots of drive and kicks (followed by a swish), lots of laughs and free popcorn (but only if you bring it, pop it, and eat it while you watch). Cheering is allowed as well, but we haven't had any of that yet - at least not at the A game, and with this last sentence I have my next post already planned out - bonus for you all!

Peace out,

Psycho T

Defense...Defense...Defense...(and future features)

One of the things I have come to enjoy most about the A game is that, as a whole, everyone participating at the A game plays defense. Some defenders are better than others, and while most people at the A game can get a shot for themselves whenever they want, I appreciate that everyone has the desire to stop the other team from scoring - on every possession.

In the melee that is generally church hoops you will find that people play defense on only 1 or 2 possessions the entire game. This typically happens when the score is tight at the end of a game. Until then, it's basically whoever can outscore the other opponent the fastest should win. Not at the A game. For the most part every possession is precious, every shot is contested, every screen switched, and every rebound fought for. There have even been a few occasions of traps at half court, hedging on screens, and weak side help defense in the post.

I thoroughly appreciate these things because it reminds me of real basketball. The other thing that I enjoy about the A game's defense is the talking. You constantly hear people calling out screens, telling people to switch screens, get over the top, trap, etc. I also like that these things occur on their own, because for the most part, everyone at the A game understands basketball.

You reading little bro? Next time you come, the emphasis needs to be on playing D first!

But seriously, I've learned that nobody really cares how much you shoot if you play hard, solid D. Which is why I'm already excited for next week's A game...

I include the photo of the 09 Huaraches because Thunder and I are going to be releasing some new twists and turns to the A game blog. Starting out, Thunder is going to be creating an article called "Evening Wear" wherein he reviews people's new shoes, best and worst dressed of the night, etc. Also, we would like to have a letterman's jacket of the week contest so send in your pics of those and each week we will pick the best letterman's jacket to post on the site.

Later,

Psycho T

Lock Up

In basketball the term "lock up" is sometimes used as a reference on defense. As in, "little bro, it might be a good thing that you play some D and 'lock up' your man." However, in church hoops "lock up" has an entirely different meaning all together. You see, keys to Mormon churches are coveted assets. This confuses me for some reason however because if you are a member of the Mormon church and your tithing helped pay for that church to be built, shouldn't you be entitled to use that church when you would like?

Anyway, keys to our church have become "locked up" lately - in that hardly anyone has one anymore. It seems that the only people that have keys lately are scout freaks, which doesn't really surprise me. Scout freaks tend to be extremely uptight, self righteous, spend at least two nights a week tying knots, and don't consider sports - or the use of the basketball gymnasium for the purpose of playing basketball- a priority. In fact, I think these "silver beavers" (silver beaver) would rather see the basketball goals raised to the ceiling with some sort of over-sized merit badge for under-water-basket-weaving hanging from the nets as a representation of what their mothers achieved for them when they were younger.

But I digress.......Until I got my key (SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH, DON'T TELL ANYONE BECAUSE I'M SURE THIS MIGHT BE A PUNISHABLE OFFENSE SINCE I APPARENTLY DON'T HAVE A REASON TO HAVE A KEY, APPARENTLY) I used to have to make phone calls to someone who I thought had a key in order for us to play the A game at night. But at times this would lead me to have to invite someone to the A game who probably shouldn't be playing in the A game in the first place, just so we could use their key. The "key-masters" (See: ghost busters) are becoming pretty chintzy on who is allowed to have a key, which is why I highly value my key - yes, the key I'm not supposed to have.

When I was a kid you used to be able to "break into" a Mormon church to play hoops. In fact, the church located in the Highland area of Pocatello, Idaho was so easy to get into when I was in college that the door may as well have stayed open permanently (just go to the South entrance and pull with the amount of muscle it would take my 3 year old to open the door and it will pop open). That's what we used to do - "pop" open the doors. Same with most gyms in the area I grew up in. But the powers that be got wise of this and again wanted to forbid the youth from entering and exercising, so they strengthened the doors. Now if you try and pop the door open you may as well just break the glass because you aren't getting in.

Once you've finally gotten into the gym you would think you are home free. Well, you aren't. You now have to face the obligatory "lock up" stare-down/comment contest from someone that is for some reason still at the church around 10pm with a suit on. It doesn't matter who this person is - or how old they are for that matter, or how little actual authority they have in the church - but as long as they are wearing a suit, and hear you playing hoops in the gym they apparently feel obligated to enter said gym and give you the "why on earth are these people exercising, losing weight, having fun, playing hoops in a basketball gym meant for basketball, on a weeknight, they look so shady with their long shorts and tshirts on, I'll bet none of them are even Mormon" obligatory stare-down. Once the stare-down ends (or they've walked through the gym a few times to see if they know anyone) one of two things happen, or both:

1.) The scout people/person will ask if anyone is even a member of the church in the gym. If the answer is a yes, they will want to know what ward you are in, and who your bishop is. If that satisfies them then they will recite your name in their heads for a while so in case something happens to the church they can blame you (I think I even had a guy write my name and phone number down one time); or

2.) This scoutmaster person will notice they recognize someone, stop the progress of the ongoing game, and ask that you please lock up the building when you leave.

The "lock up" statement is a given. So much so that whenever someone in a suit and tie walks through the gym now we've come to expect that we will be asked to lock up when we leave. In fact, I think most people simply stop playing and wait to hear "please lock up" before we resume play once the scouter has entered the gym. It didn't really hit me until one of our ACTUAL friends asked us to lock up last week - and 40-Band pointed this out to me. He really is the nicest of guys. But he still gave us the 3rd degree. I was mystified! He asked questions like "You guys come here often?" "How long are you going to be?" And of course, "Can you please lock up when you leave?" I found this completely entertaining, and a little annoying. Is it really necessary for this guy to tell 40-Band to lock up when 40-Band is older, wiser, has less hair, and has had more responsibility for longer than our friend?

Nonetheless, I realized that the scouters must have a "lock up" merit badge where they are taught to please ask people to lock up, shut down, turn off, whatever it is that needs to be locked up, shut down, or turned off. After all, their motto is "be prepared," right? (this scout apparently just hit a 3 pointer). I've also been wondering if this system is one continual, eternal, ongoing, never-ending system of scouters walking around asking each other to please lock down, shut down, turn off, etc. I've also wondered if the system even works and if said things ever get taken care of because they apparently don't since I'm the one always being asked to lock up - and I'm not even an eagle scout! Maybe scouts isn't working anymore!?!

Now, realistically I can understand why scout people would ask me to lock up when I was a teenager. Teenagers are notoriously irresponsible, even if they never got into any sort of trouble and only kissed 3 girls before they left on their mission, and only two of them was french. But it just cracks me up that these men continue to ask us to lock up especially since some of us are older, better looking, and more responsible (since we actually exercise and take care of our bodies - I'm not sure continual knot tying constitutes exercise, but my people are looking into it) than the scout people asking that we do in fact lock up. Of course, all the doors have previously been locked up before we even arrived and the only door open is the one we use to enter - which is obviously locked when we arrive, or when we start to see single adults arrive to line dance, or play volleyball or perform some other ridiculous activity in a BASKETBALL GYMNASIUM!

Peace out,

Psycho T